Note: Every weekend we’ll (Jennifer and Benjer) share a bit of our journey to adopting a child. This week’s post is by Jennifer. To read more posts on adoption, visit our adoption page.
This past Christmas morning was very traditional for our family: wake-up, get excited about presents, go open presents, take lots of pictures, have a breakfast casserole and caramel rolls, and then get ready for church. But there was one thing about this past Christmas that was very different, at least for me. We were missing one of our children.
As I was watching my two little girls, Samantha (2) and Bethany (almost 4), opening their presents with joy in a warm house, I suddenly found myself thinking about the child we are in the process of adopting. You see, we are looking to adopt a young boy (not an infant) from Bulgaria. Depending on our adoption timeline, chances are that he has already been born. He was not with us. He was not in a warm house, by a Christmas tree, opening a pile of Christmas presents with his family. As best as we know, he was in an orphanage.
I was able to still enjoy my other children at that moment, and was able to enjoy the rest of the morning. After the Christmas morning service, we all loaded into our packed car to make the 7+ hour drive from Ogden to Denver. There were several hours during that trip that I did not have the opportunity to chat with my husband or my children (they were either sleeping or watching a show without headphones), and so I needed to be silent. I used some of that time to pray. Mostly I was praying for our son. I was praying for provision and for God’s leading in this crazy-long-complicated-emotional process. As I spent more time thinking about and praying for our new son, I was reminded again of our Christmas morning. As I just said, most likely he was in an orphanage that morning. We do not know if he had any presents to open. We do not know if he knows what Jesus did for him, coming to earth to save him, or if he was given an opportunity to worship him. We do not know if he was given any love on that day. I just know he wasn’t with me, his new Mama. This broke my heart.
As some tears were flowing out of me I texted a friend of mine who is a foster parent, waiting for a certain foster child to be placed with her. She told me “I feel so similar about our foster son. I know God is preparing him and our family for it. I feel the same way about your son. God is holding him in His hands. He will be so blessed when he joins your family.” This was a great reminder to me that while we know almost nothing about when or how or even what the adoption will be, we know that God is sovereign, in control and loves our son where he is as much as he loved anyone. And is is in control of all of it.
To read more adoption posts and to sign up for email updates, visit our adoption page.